Have you ever stopped to notice what you say you want or what you say you need? Sure, we need water and food. . . and for some the first cup of coffee in the morning is indeed a perceived “need.” As I’ve been noticing my own language, I realize I might say, I “need” something when it’s something I haven’t made a priority and didn’t get done. I’ve also realized the “need” is associated with guilt or shame of not accomplishing a task.
As a remedy to this “needing” myself to death, I have started replacing the word “need” with “want.” This simple act of replacing the word “need” increases my awareness as to what I really “want.” A theory: if you really want something, you will get it done. We tend to make the things we want a priority and carve out the time and/or energy to accomplish them. If you aren’t making a “need” a priority, you might not really “want” it. Evaluate what you really “want” and assess why the “need” is a need. Is it your need, a loved one’s need, or society’s need? Also consider what kind of shame or regret is associated with the “need.” A close cousin to “needing” yourself to death is “shoulding” on yourself. I propose we all stop “shoulding” on ourselves too!
Another twist on this wanting versus needing came up recently in conversation about relationships. The discussion was about making your partner feel needed. The women I know are all very capable. Would you ever pretend otherwise simply to make a partner feel needed? My conclusion: I’d rather reveal my capability and let my partner know he’s wanted over needed and I ask the same from my partner.
What are you willing to do to create a fulfilled life? If you are ready to move to a new level, let’s connect. Through coaching I know you will see a whole new world of possibility for yourself.